Second in a Series of Five for Sustaining a Healthy Relationship
In our last Blog we introduced the acronym, SCRUBCO as a way of measuring positive elements in a relationship. Let’s begin examining SCRUBCO with the first letter, S for Shared Goals. This is when both parties share a vision for their future and are clear and comfortable in the role that each will take within the relationship to attain the goals that complete the vision. The goals in a couple’s relationship may be to own a home and raise their children in a particular faith with a shared set of values. Or it may be to join the Peace Corp and help a community in another part of the world. As long as the role each party will take in achieving those goals is explicitly understood and acceptable to each party, sharing goals is an excellent sustainer of a relationship.
Communication, the second piece to SCRUBCO, could just as effectively be named Listening to the other. Certainly, it’s paramount to be able to communicate your needs and concerns, but it’s equally important to learn how to really listen to your loved one and acknowledge that you hear what he’s saying. Particularly during rough spots in a relationship, the communication piece is essential to working through issues. If you’re in a partnership/marriage with someone and you’ve identified him as someone who doesn’t communicate well, ask yourself if you’re creating a safe space for your loved one to share his feelings. Safe space means being able to acknowledge the other party’s fears, concerns and frustrations without escalating or shutting him down. Of course, it works both ways.
Stay tuned for our next Blog when we’ll cover Respect and Uniting Behaviors.